Grief and Bereavement – Elaine L Finkelstein PhD

GRIEF, LOSS AND BEREAVEMENT

The loss of a loved one is an unavoidable part of life that no one willingly chooses to face. Its pain can be beyond words and its grip isolating. The emptiness may feel almost unbearable, and the anguish relentless, as you mourn the loss of someone you love and all that your relationship with them meant to you. One may feel vulnerable, lost, disconnected and overwhelmed. Many suggest that they initially feel as if the world continues to revolve without them, as if they are a ‘numbed observer’ of life from the outside. The power of grief, of loss and bereavement, and the emotional challenges that it brings, may feel beyond one’s capacity to cope. Yet, through this turmoil, resilience can grow, emotions can be nurtured, thoughts redirected, meaning discovered and hope developed. The possibilities for finding a way forward are within your power.

Bereavement involves an adjustment to loss and, as you move forward without the physical presence of your loved one, there is the opportunity to carry them with you, within. It is a connection through love. A precious relationship that cannot be taken away from you and, because of this, carrying them within can bring comfort. Finding a way to continue this bond with your lost loved one has the potential to ease your distress and lighten the load of your burden.

That which we deeply love is never lost to us. For all that we love deeply is forever part of us

Grief is a natural response to loss. This loss may be physical, as in the physical death of a loved and valued being, human or animal. It may be a psychological loss, such as the loss of a ‘loved one you once knew’ who, although still living, has changed dramatically through, for example, dementia or brain injury. The terminally ill may grieve the loss of a future they hoped for and those they love, while their loved ones may experience anticipatory grief as they, too, mourn the loss of a future with their loved one in it. Learning to continue living through loss and grief can be varied and complex, and potentially requires multiple adaptations on emotional, cognitive, physical, familial, spiritual, religious, philosophical, social and practical levels.

In the midst of the emotions associated with loss and grief lies the potential to find acceptance, to bring meaning back into one’s life, and to find purpose and value in living. How one grieves loss, and discovering what brings comfort in moments of despair, is a uniquely personal process. We each have our own, individual ‘griefprint’ so to speak. There is no time limit and no ‘right way’ to grieve. When faced with grief be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to feel your grief as it washes over you. Resisting it will only prolong the natural process of healing. With patience, self-compassion and support you will find the way forward that is best for you.

Bereavement is living, mourning, grieving, until you begin to feel alive again

…Elaine kept things simple and uncomplicated, and was always absolutely honest with us. She would also guide us in contemplating what worked best for each of us throughout. In addition, Elaine helped me to know that, during some difficult moments, what I was thinking or feeling was understandable, was okay. This was important to me as there were times when I was unsure. Thank you, Elaine (bereaved widower).

GRIEF, LOSS AND BEREAVEMENT